Donkey Kong 3

Name: Donkey Kong 3
Year: 1986
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

"This game's a lot easier with a turbo controller" - that sentence right there should tell you that Donkey Kong 3 is pretty different from it's predecessors.  The first thing you'll notice is you don't play as Mario in this game - instead you take the role of Stanley the Bugman, a non-mustachioed, non-overalls-wearing exterminator.  With the help of his trusty Flit gun, Stanley protects his greenhouse and his crops from Donkey Kong and his horde of thieving insects.

So yeah, you've probably already gathered that the game doesn't have a lot to do with the titular ape.  It's basically a one screen shooter - Stanley can move left and right, and jump up and down three levels of bleachers (?) to get a clear shot at his attackers.  Buzzbees will steal your crops (lose all five and lose a life), Queen Bees exploed when shot, and snakes will craw in your way and block your shot.  Donkey Kong himself hangs in the center of the greenhouse.  Shoot bugspray up his butt and he climbs upwards; ignore him and he'll slowly shimmy downwards, until he lands on the bleachers and you lose a life.  Force him to the top of the screen and you proceed to the next level.

The challenge in this game comes from keeping track of everything at once.  Focusing on shooting Kong is the fastest way to end the level, but that leaves the insects free to attack you or steal your vegetables.  Focus too much on the insects, and Kong will drop down and end the game.  It makes the game frantic and really keeps you on your toes; unlike most older arcade games, it's hard to get into a rhythm, because the focus of your attention keeps changing.

Of all the Donkey Kong games, this one is clearly the black sheep of the family.  Oddly enough, it also appears to be the one Nintendo put the most effort into porting from the arcade.  For instance, it's the only one to keep the level progression style of the arcade games: First you play screens 1 and 4, then 1, 2, and 4, then 1, 2, 3, and 4.  This game also boasts the most frames of animation for Donkey Kong; it's just too bad they also gave him a redesign.  All in all, I wouldn't call it a terrible arcade game; it's just not fun or interesting enough to warrant a revamp of the series.

Graphics & Animation: 1 (Bad)
How sad is it that DK looks better in Donkey Kong Jr Math then he does in this game?

Music & Sound: 1 (Bad)
The music here lacks the iconicness of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr, and it's repetitive, but at least it changes when you grab a power-up.n

Controls & Level Design: 2 (Average)
The controls in this game, in true Nintendo fashion, handle pretty well.  Pressing up causes Stanley to jump, and down drops him through the floor.  It may sound strange, but it feels very natural.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
Another nice touch that survived the transition to console is the cut scenes before and after each level.  At the beginning of a stage, DK knocks on the hornets nests and stirs them up; he winces when you spray him, and at the end of the last screen a beehive gets stuck on his head.  It all helps you know exactly what's going on.

Length & Replayability: 0 (Awful)
Donkey Kong 3 might be able to keep you coming back in the arcades, but it's hard to picture someone spending much time with it on the NES.

Total: 6 (Bad)