Mario Bros.

Name: Mario Bros.
Year: 1986
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade, Platformer (Single Screen)
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A
High Score: 77,710

After Donkey Kong (1981) but before Super Mario Bros. (1985) came the arcade game Mario Bros.  Although it was a one-screen platformer, in the vein of it's predecessor, it would introduce many of the elements that would become Mario staples, including sewer pipes, malevolent turtles, momentum when you run, falling from any height, and of course Mario's green-clad brother Luigi.

Every level has the same layout, and features Mario (and in two-player co-op mode, Luigi) running around platforms, attempting to hit enemies from beneath to stun them and then touch them head-on to knock them out of commission.  Like many older arcade games, the challenge comes from keeping track of everything on screen at once; stunned enemies get up and move faster if ignored for too long, fireballs appear unexpectedly at the edge of the screen, and sentient icicles can freeze platform sections.  For true chaos, add in a second player; bumping into them can send both of you ricocheting into enemies (a mechanic later revisited in the New Super Mario Bros. games).

Unlike so many of the games in it's vault, Nintendo has figured out exactly where this game belongs: as a free mini-game. You can play a slightly updated version as a battle game in Super Mario Bros. 3, play it in full from the SMB3 title screen in Super Mario Bros. All-Stars, and it's included in numerous Game Boy Advance Titles (Super Mario Advance 1-4, Mario & Luigi).  Interestingly, all of these use the NES version of the game, as opposed to the technically superior arcade version, suggesting that Nintendo considers this the "real" version of the game (or at least the easiest to port).

Mario Bros., along with Balloon Fight, was one of the first competitive co-op games, and still holds up when played with two players.  That being said, it's short length made it difficult to justify a $50 price tag even back in 1986, and with the release of Super Mario Bros. 3 in 1990, this cartridge became all but obsolete.

Graphics & Animation: 3 (Average)
The graphics here are pretty good;  Mario, the green sewer pipes, and the Koopas (known back then as "Shellcreepers") are instantly recognizable.  For such  a short game, though, I wish they could have included the extra animations from the arcade game (Mario burning when he touches a fireball, turles stepping outside their shells and flipping them over, etc).

Music & Sounds: 1 (Bad)
No in-game music (except little ditties when the game starts), and the sound effects, while effective, are sparse.  Not much to say because there's not much here.

Controls & Level Design: 4 (Good)
The controls in Super Mario Bros. are top-notch, and it's easy to see why: Nintendo was perfecting them all the way back with this game.  Although there's no "run" button, momentum (jumping higher when running, sliding when you turn quickly) still plays a huge part in this game, forcing you to be aware of enemies' positions at all times lest you leap headfirst into one...

Story & Presentation: 1 (Bad)
Not much to say here.  The title screen looks pretty good (better then most of the black box arcade games, actually), and there's a nice little melting effect when the icicles freeze the platforms... and that's about it.

Length & Replayabilitiy: 1 (Bad)
Multiplayer is the only reason to keep coming back to this game, but even then, you're going to get tired of Mario Bros. pretty quickly.

Total: 9 (Average)

Q*Bert

Name: Q*Bert
Year: 1989
Publisher: Ultra Software
Developer: Gottlieb
Genre: Arcade, Isometric Platformer
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

When arcade games began stealing quarters away from pinball machines in the seventies, it was only natural that pinball companies would start producing their own video games.  One such company, Gottlieb, produced dozens of popular pinball machines, but only ever managed one successful video game.  But oh, what a one-hit wonder it was.

The concept for Q*Bert began when doodles by artist Jeff Lee, involving Kustom Kulture-inspired characters moving around an M. C. Escher-inspired landscape, were discovered by programmer Warren Davis, who wanted to practice implementing gravity and physics in a video game.  The resulting prototype was discovered by executives at Gottlieb, and the results became the world's first isometric perspective video game.

Like most one-screen arcade games, the premise of Q*Bert is simple.  You hop around a pyramid built of cubes while avoiding enemies.  Every spot you land on turns that cube a different color, and when you've landed on every cube, you progress to the next level.  Teleportation disks on the sides of the pyramid serve the same purpose as the warp tunnels in Pac-Man, allowing for quick escapes from enemies.  Besides bouncing eggs and snakes, Q*Bert must also avoid enemies who walk on the "wrong" sides of the cubes (defying gravity), and catch green creatures who will undo the tiles you've turned.

Nowadays, Q*Bert is mostly known for his appearances in movies such as Wreck-It Ralph and Pixels, and this is largely because his rights are currently owned by Sony, but in his heyday the popularity of Q*Bert rivaled that of Pac-Man.  Their were toys, board games, and even a cartoon show.  While the game isn't fondly remembered as Donkey Kong or DK JR, the gameplay has held up better, still presenting an enjoyable romp today.  There's definitely better games on the NES, and the simple gameplay hardly justifies a $50 price tag, but if you've never experienced Q*Bert, it's definitely worth a moment of your time.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
While it's hardly the worst looking port of Q*Bert, the graphics of Q*Bert aren't anything to write home about.  Still, everything from the arcade is at least recognizable...

Music & Sounds: 0 (Awful)
If you're going to port a game with no music, you can at least make sure you've got the sound effects right! Maybe Q*Bert's signature "cussing" sound effect was just too hard to mimic, I dunno; but seeing as how there's plenty of NES games with digitized speech, and we're only talking about one (famous) sound effect, it seems a little lousy of them to leave it out.

Controls & Level Design: 3 (Good)
The level design in Q*Bert is simple, but classic, and as more levels progress, changing the color of the tiles becomes more complicated.  The control scheme can take a little getting used to, but they added a comprehensive set-up screen for changing the controls to your liking.

Story & Presentation: 3 (Good)
The presentation here is actually fairly impressive!  Most notable is the game's controller setup screen, which features an NES controller and a Q*Bert player to guide you through the process of configuring your controls.

Length & Replayabilitiy: 1 (Bad)
The latter levels giving you new goals gives the game a little longevity, but the truth is, Q*Bert is one of those games where you've seen everything the game has to offer after five minutes.

Total: 9 (Average)

Millipede

Name: Millipede
Year: 1988
Publisher: HAL Laboratory
Developer: Atari
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: 2
Beaten: N/A

Centipede was a wildly successful arcade game released in 1980.  A single-screen shooter in the vain of Space Invaders or Galaga, Centipede broke new ground (no pun intended) by having the game take place in a garden instead of space, and filling the screen with harmless, stationary objects (mushrooms) that obstruct your shots at the enemy (spiders, fleas, and the titular centipede).  The object is to destroy the centipede as he travels down the screen, and shooting him causes him to split into smaller centipedes.

The game was successful enough to see a sequel, Millipede, in 1982.  Besides introducing a couple new elements (DDT bombs, new enemy behaviors), the game was mostly the same, and never enjoyed the popularity of it's predecessor.  While Centipede was ported to all the consoles and computer systems of it's day, Millipede only managed a handful of ports.

And yet, it was Millipede and not Centipede that Atari chose to port to the NES in 1988.  Prehaps they figured that sinse their wasn't that much difference between the games, it only made since to pick the "superior" version.  Whatever the reason, the NES port of Milipede is a little... lacking.

The biggest problem here is the playing field.  Millipede for NES only uses about two thirds of the screen, leaving the rest as a green border.  It's truly baffling; the NES is capable of fairly accurate graphics for Pac-Man, Galaga, and Joust, but apparently the bugs and mushrooms of Millipede were just too much for it?  The game feels like a port of a computer version, rather then a direct arcade port.

And... that's it.  Honestly, I've run out of things to say about this game.  It's an awful-looking port of a moderately playable arcade game, and I can think of literally hundreds of NES games I would buy over this one.

Graphics & Animation: 0 (Awful)
Millipede was never exactly the most graphically impressive game, but it was at least colorful and appealing; this is just abysmal.  I usually try not to compare NES game to games for other systems. but com'on - Centipede for the Atari 7800 looked better then this, and this is a sequel game on a more powerful console!

Music & Sounds: 1 (Bad)
The arcade sound effects are pretty accurately recreated here.  Unfortunately, the game has no music, not even when you start or end a level.

Controls & Level Design: 3 (Average)
The controls are a little slippery, and the levels just repeat endlessly, but that's all in keeping with it's arcade heritage, so I can't fault it too much there.  Unlike the original Centipede, Millipede adds a grayed out effect to the bottom of the screen to make it clearer where your ship's boundaries are - a useful (if not as visually appealing) touch.

Story & Presentation: 0 (Awful)
HAL game this game a scaled down presentation, similar to the title screens of Donkey Kong and Balloon Fight on the NES - and this was three years later. I hate to keep repeating this, but... Centipede on the Atari 7800 looked better then this!!

Length & Replayabilitiy: 0 (Awful)
I complain about arcade games like Joust and Pac-Man for being just one level that repeats over and over and over, but at least those were good quality ports.  This is abysmal.

Total: 4 (Bad)

Balloon Fight

Name: Balloon Fight
Year: 1985
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

In my review for Excite Bike, I suggest that of the original sixteen games released for the NES (also known as the "black box series"), only Super Mario Bros. and Excite Bike enjoyed popularity in America past their initial run.  You might be wondering, are their any other black box games that still hold up?  The answer is a resounding yes.

Balloon Fight is a game developed by Nintendo and originally released to arcades in 1984.  Conceived as a "clone" (gamer slang for "rip-off") of arcade classic Joust, Balloon Fight expanded upon the formula in enough ways to become a memorable game in it's own right.  In the main game, you play a balloonist who flies around platforms, popping your enemies' balloons while trying to avoid getting your own balloons popped.  When an enemy's balloon is popped, they plummet to the ground, and if they land on a floating platform, you have a few seconds to finish them off before they inflate a new balloon and return as a more powerful opponent (in the tradition of games like Mario Bros. and Bubble Bobble).  Falling into the water underneath the platforms is instant death, and if you hover too near, a hungry fish waits to attack friend and foe alike.  Other obstacles, such as clouds that shoot lighting and the bumpers from Smash Bros, serve to further compound matters.

Balloon Fight improves upon the basic Joust formula in several ways.  First of all, the controls are stronger, and you'll never die from a cheap shot you couldn't react to.  The slippery momentum is gone here, making the controls more about judging how fast you should flap your arms (to gain lift) at any certain time.  There's more level variety here, too; the first three levels serve as a practice, similar to Joust, and then levels four through twelve cycle indefinitely.  Each level has it's own layout and placement of obstacles to keep you on your toes.

The biggest addition here, and something I wish a lot more NES arcade ports had done, is the addition of a second, simple but awesome mini-game called Balloon Trip.  Basically, it's Flappy Bird, almost twenty years before Flappy Bird existed.  You navigate your balloonist through a never-ending randomly generated maze of electric sparks to get the highest score possible.  It's challenging yet oddly relaxing at the same time, and easily qualifies as it's own game, making the fifty dollar price tag a lot easier to swallow.

Balloon Fight is at it's heart a Joust clone, but it expands upon the formula in so many ways, and came out so much earlier then Joust's NES port, that you could be forgiven for assuming Joust ripped off of Balloon Fight.  The greater variety of levels, plus the addition of the excellent Balloon Trip mini-game, makes this "tribute" a clear superior to it's predecessor.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
The graphics are simple but charming; I especially like the way the enemy bird-men use a bicycle pump to re-inflate their balloons.  Little touches like this, and the animation on the collectible balloons, show how much a little extra attention can elevate a game.

Music & Sounds: 1 (Bad)
The Balloon Fight theme is actually pretty catchy; too bad what you'll mostly hear during gameplay is the annoying bicycle-squeak sound effect of enemy's flapping their wings.  The other sound effects are pretty satisfying, especially popping balloons, and the theme does play on loop during the Balloon Trip game.

Controls & Level Design: 4 (Excellent)
The controls here are great, giving you the perfect blend of challenge and precision.  The level design is a little on the simple side, with little variety, but  it lends itself well to the constant chaos happening on screen at any given time, and the randomly generated nature of Balloon Trip (a rarity on the NES!) means you can play endlessly without getting bored.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
In true arcade fashion, their's basically no story whatsoever (the manual doesn't even give the poor balloonist a name).  The presentation is simple but appealing, with little touches like an animated balloon serving as your menu cursor elevating things a little.  I especially like the fact  that the whole of the game takes place at night, with stars always twinkling in the background; it provides a nice change of pace from the usual "blue skies and clouds" background of so many platforms on the NES.

Length & Replayabilitiy: 3 (Good)
Easily one of the best of the one-screen platform games on the NES.  You can get into that arcade groove, but things are hectic enough that you can never truly relax, and the randomly generated mazes of Balloon Trip ensure you can play forever without getting bored.

Total: 12 (Average)

Joust

Name: Joust
Year: 1988
Publisher: HAL America Inc.
Developer: Williams Electronics Inc.
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: One Hour
Beaten: N/A

Williams Electronics, a company known primarily for making pinball machines, dipped it's toe into the arcade game market in the early eighties; perhaps it's no surprise that one of their first hits, Joust, involves bouncing around obstacles at high velocity.

In Joust, you play a knight riding atop an ostrich (or in two-player mode, a stork) battling even knights riding vultures above a volcano.  In true arcade fashion, all the action takes place on one screen, and you get around by rapidly tapping the jump button to flap your wings.  The mechanic is similar to the swimming controls in some video games, but there's also a momentum element; if your ostrich touches the ground, he'll brake into a run, and you end up running into platforms and careening all over the place.  The goal is to take out the enemy knights, which is done by touching them when you're higher then you are; if you collide dead on, you'll bounce off each other, and if they're higher then you, you'll lose a life.  The frantic pace of the game is part of the appeal; ideally it should be easy to always hover at the top of the screen so you're unbeatable, but the slippery nature of the controls and constant clutter of the screen ensure that you're always bumping around  and trying to reposition yourself.

The first two levels serve as basic training; there's safety platforms over the lava to make thing a little easier.  After level two, the platforms disappear, and fiery hands will appear to yank you into the lava if you get too close.  Defeated knights drop eggs, and if you don't destroy them in time, they hatch into more powerful knights.  As the levels progress, platforms disappear; while this is meant to make the game harder, it actually gives you less obstacles to bump into, making things a little easier.

Joust game demands you pay constant attention to your surroundings, and it's pretty challenging and fun, if not a bit repetitive.  It's a solid arcade game, but as a complete package it's pretty lacking.  If you're a fan of Joust, I highly recommend Nintendo's own Balloon Fight, which improves upon the formula in several ways, and even adds a second game mode that's reminiscent of Flappy Bird.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
There's not a lot going on, but what's here is pretty good.  The characters boast an impressive amount of colors per sprite (six, as opposed to three as in most NES games) and the volcano floor is well detailed.

Music & Sounds: 1 (Bad)
It's not that the music is terrible; their just isn't any music, aside from a little tune on the start screen.  No music when you die, no music at game over.  The sound effects when you flap your wings are satisfying, but not anything you consciously notice when you play.

Controls & Level Design: 2 (Average)
Joust is the sort of game where the tricky controls are intended to be part of the challenge, and Joust straddles this line perfectly.  Despite careening all over the place, it still always feels like your fault when you die... well, at least in the case of the controls themselves.  There's no invulnerability when you respawn, so if you appear in the wrong place you can lose a life before you have a chance to do anything.  Also, the pterodactyl is extremely random and can spawn right where you're hanging out, again costing you a life before you have a chance to react.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
There's some nice presentation here: the title screen gives an appropriately medieval feel, and the "welcome to Joust" screen adds a little epicness to the proceedings. When the lava pit becomes accessible, the platforms above it actually catch fire and burn, which is a very nice touch.  Like the rest of the game, it's well executed; there's just not much of it.

Length & Replayabilitiy: 1 (Awful)
This is definitely one of those "play it over and over again for a high score" kind of games...  unless you're a humongous fan of Joust, this just doesn't justify a fifty dollar price tag.

Total: 8 (Average)

BurgerTime

Name: BurgerTime
Year: 1987
Publisher: Data East
Developer: Data East
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: 3
Beaten: N/A

BurgerTime is a one-screen platformer game; a genre that was all the rage in the arcades between 1980 (the release of Donkey Kong) and 1985 (the release of Super Mario Bros).  Released in arcades in 1982, it was ported to the NES in 1987, after side-scrolling platformers had already established themselves as the dominate genre on the system.

The idea of BurgerTime is that you're a chef, and your climbing up and down ladders, trying to knock down good ingredients (buns, lettuce, burger patties) into piles of delicious hamburgers, all while avoiding evil ingredients (eggs, sausage, and pickles).  Using pepper will stun the evil ingredients for a limited time, and you can defeat them if you knock down good ingredients while they're standing under it.  As the levels progress, things get faster (in true arcade tradition) and the ladder layouts change, but mostly it's just the same thing over and over again.

[Side note: I can understand why the eggs and sausage want to kill you, since they're breakfast food and theoretically don't go on burgers (but taste so good when they do!), but the pickles in particular bother me.  Why are they an enemy instead of an ingredient like the lettuce?  I don't get it.]

Strong feelings about food hierarchy aside, I just don't get this game.  I've spent over three hours playing it, and I was never able to get into that "arcade game rhythm" of games like Pac-Man or Bubble Bobble.  The controls are frustrating, the theme is just weird, the enemies enter the play field from the sides of the screen without warning, you have limited pepper, and the enemies always move at exactly the same speed you do, except you get hung up switching from ladders to platforms and they don't.  Maybe the arcade version plays better, I don't know, but I can think of a whole lot of NES games I'd rather be playing then this one.

Graphics & Animation: 1 (Bad)
I'll say this for it: at least I can tell what everything is suppose to be... those are burger patties, right?  They've got a lot of green coloring to them... are they veggie burgers? I'm gonna say they're veggie burgers.

Music & Sound: 0 (Awful)
The ten second never-ending music loop will make you want to stab out your own ears just to end the suffering.  It doesn't change from level to level, either.

Controls & Level Design: 0 (Awful)
Maybe the arcade version controls a lot better, I dunno; I never played it.  But in this version, transitioning from ladder to platform (and vise versa) is tricky.  You know how in Mega Man, if your character is positioned near the ladder and you hit up, the game will automatically center him on the ladder?  No such luck here.  Worse, if you're even a pixel up or down from the platform, you can't get off the ladder until you adjust;  it doesn't make it easy when you've got murderous sausage and eggs on your tail.

Story & Presentation: 0 (Awful)
I have no idea what's going on here.  You're a chef who makes hamburgers by walking on food, evil ingredients try to kill you but are allergic to pepper, the whole thing is a mess.  If you're desperate for a good food-themed game on the NES, try Restaurant Panic; it's actually pretty fun.

Length & Replayability: 0 (Awful)
Trying to make it through every screen of this game so I can finish the review has been torture.  Every level is pretty much the same, so you don't even have curiosity to push you forward.

Total: 1 (Awful)

Clu Clu Land

Name: Clu Clu Land

Year: 1985

Publisher: Nintendo

Developer: Nintendo

Genre: Arcade

Hours Played: 4

Beaten: N/A

Imagine being an early NES adopter in 1985.  You're impressed by Super Mario Bros, you buy the system, and now you're ready to get some more games.  Of course, for an entire year there's only sixteen games to choose from.  Excite Bike is a classic, and I personally enjoy Balloon Fight, but past that, what else is there?  Urban Champions?  Ice Climbers?  Golf?  Well, any of them would be infinitely better choices then Clu Clu Land.

I'm just going to say it now: Clu Clu Land is a terrible, terrible game.  At first glance, it's pretty similar in concept to Pac-Man: you constantly move forward through maze in a top-down perspective, outrunning enemies, picking up fruit, and trying to clear the board.  Instead of eating yellow dots, you run over spaces to reveal hidden gems, and when all the gems are uncovered, you've beaten the level.  Their aren't gems in every space, though, so you have to remember where you've already been.  When all the gems are revealed, they form a picture.  This is suppose to help you figure out where the gems you're missing are, but since they didn't bother localizing it, the pictures are often Japanese symbols or letters and thus aren't a whole lot of help.

The biggest deal breaker here is the controls.  In Pac-Man, you hold left to turn left, and the next time he passes a left-facing passageway, he turns.  Not so here.  When you hold left, you're character (no idea what his name is) holds out a hand (flipper?), and the next time you pass a pole, he grabs onto it and swings leftward.  Only, if you don't let go of the button, he continues to rotate.  Ever hit the left button and end up going right?  Because it happens pretty frequently in this game!  But if you do find yourself going in an unexpected direction, don't worry; if you hit a wall, you bounce off and reverse direction!!  The result is you're always flying across the screen in random directions.  You can also shoot a stun beam at your enemies, but I played for over an hour before I ever remembered to do that because I was so busy fighting the controls.  I ended up playing a total of four hours just to get to the point where the levels start repeating (only five levels) and the controls still don't feel natural.

There are some games where the controls are meant to be part of the challenge.  For instance, in Super Monkey Ball, the controls are so precise, you're constantly teetering across narrow ledges trying to not fall off.  In works in that game because whenever you die, you feel like it was your fault, not because you couldn't make the game do what you wanted.  Here, the controls are just a disaster.  It might work in a slow-paced game where you can think about each move, but instead you're constantly moving forward, trying to remember which spaces you haven't moved over yet, and trying to respond to enemies and (here's the worst part) bumpers that appear out of nowhere.  As well as gems, you can also uncover hidden bumpers, which will reverse your direction as soon as they appear.  Having your direction reversed unexpectedly is so much worse then it sounds, because not only do you have to plan every move out in advanced, but the swinging mechanic prevents you from reversing back; you have to either slam into a wall or another bumper, or "circle the block" like you would in a car.

In short, this is possibly the worst game ever put out by Nintendo; the best thing I can say about it is it didn't make me do any math.

Graphics & Animation: 1 (Bad)
I will admit that these are not the worse graphics I've seen on the NES.  The main character and enemies are nicely animated, and the graphics are initially intriguing if only because the enemies and gems bear such a close resemblance to The Legend of Zelda's graphics.  Now, I have no real idea what anything is suppose to be, but I'll save that for story & presentation.

Music & Sounds: (0) Awful
I've had to play this game for several hours to beat the first five levels (they start repeating after that) so I could consider the game "beaten", and sitting here right now, I can't even remember for sure if music plays during the levels.  I think so?  It's very forgettable, is what I'm trying to suggest.

Controls & Level Design: 0 (Awful)
Is there a score lower then zero?  No, seriously, can I make up a score lower then zero, just for the controls in this game?  The controls in this game get a minus one.  There, I did it.

Story & Presentation: 0 (Awful)
This game takes place underwater!  Apparently!  According to some of the websites (Wikipedia, Moby Games) I checked out.  Do you know what would have helped make that clear?  If they'd made the background blue (instead of black) like it is on the box cover!  Also, the main character is some sort of aquatic fish-like creature!  Apparently!  Do you know what would have helped make that clear?  If he didn't have hands, legs, and teeth during the score tallying sequence!

Length & Replayabilitiy: 1 (Bad)
This is one of those arcade-style games that just plays out endlessly, like Pac-Man, so there's not much to say about length.  However, for a game that's about revealing the hidden pictures, they put some randomization in the order the levels appear, so it's not exactly the same each time you play it.  It's a nice touch, but not enough to save the fact you'd never want to replay this.

Total: 2 (Awful)

Qix

Name: Qix
Year: 1991
Publisher: Taito
Developer: Taito
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A
High Score: 183,668

(Note: it is my understanding that Qix for NES repeats endlessly and has no ending; however I have been unable to verify this. If I discover otherwise, this review will be updated accordingly.)

Qix (sometimes written QIX and pronounced "kicks") was first released to arcades in 1981, and subsequently had numerous ports and sequels.  Due to it's highly abstract nature, it can be a little hard to sum up in a couple of sentences, but I'll do my best:

The idea behind Qix is that the screen is separated into two areas, the border and open space.  Sparks patrol the border, and in open space lives the Qix, a geometric pattern that darts around sporadically.  Sparks can't hurt you in open space, and the Qix can't attack you while you're in the borders.  The idea is to draw lines to extend the border and shrink open space.  It's a little hard to explain it succulently, but at it's core Qix is a game of chicken.  Stay in the borders too long and the sparks get you; stay in open space too long and risk a random charge from the Qix.

It's important to point out that Qix is a very difficult game.  Like many of it's arcade ilk, it was designed to be a quarter muncher; give plays a fun couple of minutes and then shove them out the door for the next player.  The result is that everything's on a timer.  You can technically take as long as you want on each board, but every time the timer hits zero another spark spawns in the borders, making the level exponentially more difficult.  As you progress through the levels, the game throws more curve balls at you: a second enemy type in the playing field, two Qix at once, and eventually (and most cheap) the sparks start to follow you out on your tether, making them a threat even in open space.  It's like the later levels in Pac-Man when you're no longer able to eat the ghosts; it feels a little unfair.

Qix was popular enough to receive numerous ports and sequels, but not popular enough to be remembered alongside games like Pac-Man and Space Invaders.  The strange and unique concept made it more of a novelty for most gamers, but those looking for a challenge won't be disappointed here.

Graphics & Animation: 1 (Bad)
It's an abstract game, so you can't ask for a lot in the graphics department.  My biggest complaint is how little of the screen is used for the actual game; couldn't they have put the stats at the top of the screen and doubled the playing field?

Music & Sounds: 2 (Average)
The only music in the game is during the title screen.  The original arcade game made an obnoxious noise while drawing that's absent from this version, but that's probably a good thing.

Controls & Level Design: 2 (Average)
The controls translate to the NES perfectly.  One button lets you draw normally and the other button draws at half speed for extra points. I've played some Qix ports where you have to hit the button right when you want to start drawing, but in this version you can keep it depressed even when you're on the borders; this improves the game vastly.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
If you've ever played Taito's GameBoy port of Qix, you know that there's cutscenes between levels where Mario dresses up as racial stereotypes (bull fighter, snake charmer, etc).  Sadly, there's nothing like that here.  There is, however, a great demo (if you wait at the title screen) that gives you a tutorial on how to play the game, complete with enemy introductions.

Length & Replayability: 1 (Bad)
When it comes to one screen arcade games, Qix is one of my favorite; but when you compare it to lengthy NES games like Super Mario Bros 3 or Final Fantasy, Qix is a tough sell.  I've complained about this before, and I do understand it's a limitation of the technology (and that battery back-ups were expensive), but a feature that saved your high score would have went a long way towards making these kind of games more replayable.

Total: 8 (Average)

Donkey Kong 3

Name: Donkey Kong 3
Year: 1986
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

"This game's a lot easier with a turbo controller" - that sentence right there should tell you that Donkey Kong 3 is pretty different from it's predecessors.  The first thing you'll notice is you don't play as Mario in this game - instead you take the role of Stanley the Bugman, a non-mustachioed, non-overalls-wearing exterminator.  With the help of his trusty Flit gun, Stanley protects his greenhouse and his crops from Donkey Kong and his horde of thieving insects.

So yeah, you've probably already gathered that the game doesn't have a lot to do with the titular ape.  It's basically a one screen shooter - Stanley can move left and right, and jump up and down three levels of bleachers (?) to get a clear shot at his attackers.  Buzzbees will steal your crops (lose all five and lose a life), Queen Bees exploed when shot, and snakes will craw in your way and block your shot.  Donkey Kong himself hangs in the center of the greenhouse.  Shoot bugspray up his butt and he climbs upwards; ignore him and he'll slowly shimmy downwards, until he lands on the bleachers and you lose a life.  Force him to the top of the screen and you proceed to the next level.

The challenge in this game comes from keeping track of everything at once.  Focusing on shooting Kong is the fastest way to end the level, but that leaves the insects free to attack you or steal your vegetables.  Focus too much on the insects, and Kong will drop down and end the game.  It makes the game frantic and really keeps you on your toes; unlike most older arcade games, it's hard to get into a rhythm, because the focus of your attention keeps changing.

Of all the Donkey Kong games, this one is clearly the black sheep of the family.  Oddly enough, it also appears to be the one Nintendo put the most effort into porting from the arcade.  For instance, it's the only one to keep the level progression style of the arcade games: First you play screens 1 and 4, then 1, 2, and 4, then 1, 2, 3, and 4.  This game also boasts the most frames of animation for Donkey Kong; it's just too bad they also gave him a redesign.  All in all, I wouldn't call it a terrible arcade game; it's just not fun or interesting enough to warrant a revamp of the series.

Graphics & Animation: 1 (Bad)
How sad is it that DK looks better in Donkey Kong Jr Math then he does in this game?

Music & Sound: 1 (Bad)
The music here lacks the iconicness of Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr, and it's repetitive, but at least it changes when you grab a power-up.n

Controls & Level Design: 2 (Average)
The controls in this game, in true Nintendo fashion, handle pretty well.  Pressing up causes Stanley to jump, and down drops him through the floor.  It may sound strange, but it feels very natural.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
Another nice touch that survived the transition to console is the cut scenes before and after each level.  At the beginning of a stage, DK knocks on the hornets nests and stirs them up; he winces when you spray him, and at the end of the last screen a beehive gets stuck on his head.  It all helps you know exactly what's going on.

Length & Replayability: 0 (Awful)
Donkey Kong 3 might be able to keep you coming back in the arcades, but it's hard to picture someone spending much time with it on the NES.

Total: 6 (Bad)

Popeye

Name: Popeye
Year: 1986
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Half an hour
Beaten: N/A

Although the Nintendo Entertainment System released in America in October 1985, the first wave of licensed games (i.e. games made by companies other then Nintendo) didn't release until a year later, in October 1986.  That means that for one whole year, the only games available for the system are what's now known as the Black Box Series, became they came in black boxes, and each was labeled as being part of a different series (action series, sports series, etc).  The second of the three waves, released in June 1986, was labeled the Arcade series, and consisted of six games: four Donkey Kong games (including Donkey Kong Jr. Math), Mario Bros. (the one screen arcade game), and Popeye.

It's become part of gaming lore that Donkey Kong, the arcade game that put Nintendo on the map, was originally intended to be a Popeye game, before the licencing deal fell through. A year later, Donkey Kong was one of the most popular video games of all time, and Nintendo was able to secure a deal and release Popeye.  Besides being an early NES release in America, it was actually one of the first three games (alongside Donkey Kong and Donkey Kong Jr) to be released for the Famicom in Japan.

With all that backstory, I was very interested to see if this game holds up to Donkey Kong.  And... it doesn't.  Olive Oil (Popeye's girlfriend) stands at the top of the screen and throws items.  As Popeye, you have to run around and collect them while avoiding Bruto, who strolls around the screen and attacks you in various ways.  The first thing you'll notice is the lack of a jump button - you can move, climb ladders and stairs, and punch.  Your punch bizarrely doesn't work on enemies, but allows you to activate certain items and block certain projectiles.  The main challenge in the game comes from Bluto.  He casually wanders the levels, but has a large range of attacks, from throwing projectiles, to attacking the platform above or below, and his attacks are pretty random, making him a threat no matter where in the level you're at.

Popeye isn't a bad game by any means; it just feels like Nintendo's attempt to redo Donkey Kong without redoing Donkey Kong.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
The graphics here are pretty good!  All the Popeye characters are easily identifiable, and the item you're collecting changes each level.  The hearts that fall from the top are nicely animated, too.  The backgrounds aren't quite as impressive, though... the third level ship in particular looks a little Atari-tastic.

Music & Sound: 3 (Good)
The music and sound effects are the real star here.  The music is constantly changing according to what's going.  There's the regular level music, the Bruto attacking music, the hurry-up music that plays if you let a heart (or note or letter) fall in the water, and of course a great Nintendo rendition of the Popeye theme.

Controls & Level Design: 2 (Average)
A large part of the game is running up and down staircases to avoid Bluto, and the control is silky smooth - why can't Simon Belmont climb steps like this?  Popeye's punch hangs in the air for a second, and would feel super satisfying, if they let you use it to punch enemies...

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
The cameos from the various Popeye universe help give the game personality, and a little cutscene on the third screen helps explain what's going on (on the first two levels, you're romancing Olive Oil; it's only on the third level that you're rescuing her).

Length & Replayability: 0 (Bad)
Like NES Donkey Kong, it's just three levels, over and over and over....

Total: 9 (Average)

Donkey Kong Jr.

Name: Donkey Kong Jr.
Year: 1995
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

Donkey Kong Jr. (spelled different from "Donkey Kong Junior" in the arcades) was the sequel to the original Donkey Kong (so much that they called the third game "Donkey Kong 3").  It's similar to it's predecessor - beat four one-screen levels, rinse and repeat, but while the first game focused on jumping, this game adds a climbing element that becomes the focus of most levels.

The first two screens of Donkey Kong Jr. are great - like the original, there's multiple paths to take thru the level.  The third screen is a disappointment, as it focuses on jumping over climbing, making it feel more like the original game, but it's very linear, with only one path through the level.  The fourth level is nice, as it's reminiscent of the last Donkey Kong level, except (once again) with a heavy climbing element.

While Donkey Kong Jr fairs better then it's predecessor in terms of length (all four levels made the transition this time), it takes a much bigger hit in the graphics department.  Gone are all of Papa DK's animations - now he's just a static monkey in a cage.  The cut scenes once again took a big hit, with only the fourth level "ending" remaining.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
The graphics are a little more colorful in this game then the original, but the lack of animation on Donkey Kong Sr. hurt it.

Music & Sounds: 2 (Bad)
Only one level has music, and it lacks the memorability of the iconic Donkey Kong theme.

Controls & Level Design: 3 (Good)
Unlike graphics or gameplay, good controls don't age.  You may die from a cheap shot, but you'll never die because Kong didn't go where you told him to.

Story & Presentation: 0 (Awful)
The cut scenes are gone from this game, and I miss them more then I did in Donkey Kong.  In that game, it was instantly obvious you were trying to rescue the girl from the monkey throwing barrels, even if you weren't given any explanation.  In this game, without any context, I feel like the story and the goal are a little more confusing - especially nowadays, when the idea of Mario being a bad guy is pretty shocking.

Length & Replayability: 1 (Bad)
The length of this game fairs a little better then the first - there's four levels instead of three, and I feel like the levels (at least the first two) offer a little more variety.  It still gets old pretty fast, though.

Total: 8 (Average)

Donkey Kong

Name: Donkey Kong
Year: 1985
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Nintendo
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

Donkey Kong is a strange beast (the game, not the ape).  Released in 1981, it was the world's first platformer, and it took the world by storm, but by 1985 (the release of Super Mario Bros) it was already obsolete.

All the action in Donkey Kong takes place in a single screen, no scrolling.  There's three different levels that repeat endlessly (four in the original arcade version), and the point is to get the highest possible score.  For any gamer born later then 1979, the first three levels are a lot of fun (wondering what comes next), but once you've cleared the third board, it's hard to maintain much intrest in playing.  In modern times, having to beat the game more then once (Ghost & Goblins, Bubble Bobble, etc) is considered a cop-out by the programmers; while I know this was a common practice in arcade games at the time (Pac-Man, Space Invaders, etc), it still feels a little cheap, especially for a console game released alongside Super Mario Bros.

Honestly, I feel bad criticizing Donkey Kong - it invented jumping in sidescrollers, and without it we wouldn't have Super Mario Bros - but unlike Super Mario Bros, it's not a game that's aged well.  Even as far as one-screen platformers go, I'd much rather play Bubble Bobble then this.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
The graphics here are iconic and colorful.  Donkey Kong himself lacks a few of the animations from the arcade version, but overall this is graphically a very faithful rendition of the arcade game.

Music & Sound: 2 (Average)
There's only one level theme, plus a few short songs for things like the title screen and level start, but everything sounds pretty good here.  Again, a very faithful arcade port.

Controls & Level Design: 3 (Good)
The controls are spot-on.  You'll never feel like you died due to poor controls.  Because the fireballs cheat, sure, but never because of poor controls.  Other innovations like being able to move while you jump would come later, but for the first sidescroller with jumping, the controls hold up surprisingly well.

Story & Presentation: 1 (Bad)
The arcade version has a bunch of cut scenes before and after each level, showing Donkey Kong carrying off Pauline, Mario's heart breaking, etc.  Most of that is lost here - the only one that made it is their reunion at the end of the third stage.

Length & Replayability: 0 (Awful)
It's just the same three levels, over and over and over.... Once you've beat the third stage, there's just not that much else to do here.

Total: 8 (Average)

Pac-Man

Name: Pac-Man
Year: 1993
Publisher: Namco
Developer: Namco
Genre: Arcade
Hours Played: Countless
Beaten: N/A

(Note: This game was released twice for the Nintendo Entertainment System; unofficially by Tengen in 1988, then officially by Namco in 1993. This review looks at the Namco version only)

Okay, let me start out by making a couple of things perfectly clear: I love Pac-Man.  Pac-Man is a genre defining game that's as much fun to play now as when it came out, and when it first hit arcades in 1975, there was nothing else quite like it.

But we're not looking at look at the legacy of the 1975 arcade game.  We're here to decide if Pac-Man is a worthwhile $50 purchase for the NES.  And I am here to tell you it is not.  Paying full price for a one-screen arcade game (with only one level, that repeats) was perfectly acceptable on the Atari 2600, but the NES was suppose to be the next generation of gaming.  Even at the arcades at this point, Pac-Man had been replaced by games like Ghosts & Goblins, Gauntlet, and 1942, all of which had made perfectly respectable transitions to the NES.  Even in 1993, charging full price for this without including a second game on the cartridge (like Ms. Pac-Man, Pac-Mania, or Galaga, all of which are also available on the NES),was a pretty lousy move.

Graphics & Animation: 2 (Average)
The good news is that it looks exactly like the arcade game.... The bad news is that it looks exactly like the arcade game.

Music & Sound: 2 (Average)
See "graphics", above.

Controls & Level Design: 1 (Bad)
Maybe it's because I'm using a D-pad instead of the preferred arcade stick, but I can't help but feel the controls are the one bad thing about this port.  The trick in Pac-Man is to hold the button down before you want to turn, but I keep missing the turns in this version.

Story & Presentation: 2 (Average)
Pac-Man was the first ever video game to feature cut-scenes.  Sure, they're nothing special, but at least this game has cut-scenes - more then I can say for most NES games.

Length & Replayability: 0 (Awful)
It's a single one-screen level, over and over and over again.  Also, and I know this is a limitation of the technology, but the worst thing about arcade games on the NES is they don't save your score.  High scores are the only point of games like this, so not being  to record it is the arcade equivalent of not being able to save your game.

Total: 7 (Bad)